Like totally awesome, or: An Open Letter to Grill'd

Hi Grill'd,

How are you? I just wanted to let you know that I'm glad you're doing so well. You seem to be springing up everywhere these days. Awesome.

I really like that you offer fresh salad ingredients. Awesome.

I really like that your chips are big chunky ones cooked with rosemary. Awesome.

And I really really love that you advertise that your veggie patties are, quote, "100 vegan!". Awesome!

So how come your burger rolls, paninis, wraps, and all other bready items are not vegan? So not awesome.

This is how I ended up at your brand spankin' new Doncaster store recently asking for a pattie on a plate of salad. And, like, fyi: it was a pretty stingy salad; the pattie was supermarket-meh; and after a good five minutes discussing the vegan-ness of the bread, which included me specifically saying that I was vegan, the checkout chick asking her manager (who asked his manager) if the bread had eggs or dairy, her informing me that it had milk, offering me a salad plate, me accepting etc etc - she then asked "like, what kind of pattie would you like? Like, beef, or chicken ...". So very definitely, in no way, totally not awesome.

So I guess what I'm trying to say, Grill'd, is that despite your awesome work in the vegan pattie department, you have totally not been awesome in the following-it-through, backing-it-up, taking-advantage-of-a-niche-market department (fyi: check out Lord of the Fries. Choice. Noice).

So, like, to become totally awesome again, here's what I reckon you should do:

1. Keep up the awesome work with the vegan patties, and advertising them;
2. Get some dairy and egg-free bread in, which is like so not hard and no-one will even notice;
   
3. Advertise Number 2;
4. Also advertise that you are like totally awesome at making totally awesome vegan burgers (at the mo' all of your veggie ones are dairy-ful); and
   
5. Train your staff in all of the above.

Sweet huh?

Also, not awesome is not having easily visible contact info on your site. Maybe it was there but I couldn't find it easily, and to be honest I was really put off by the little cartoons of cows and chickens working out to make themselves healthy and tasty for your customers. Gross.

If you did have easily visible and accessible contact details, then I would have also written you a letter (which would have been, like, full of grown up words and totally awesome) and I wouldn't have had to confine my bitch'n'moanin' to this blog, and I could have also totally been less passive-aggressive about it, and if you'd like written me back a totally awesome response I could have totally posted it and said how totally awesome you were.

Why all the awesome totallys? Because that's the image you're putting out there. And it would be the mostest totally awesome ever if you let your vegan patties have vegan bread too. Otherwise it's all kinda lame and pointless to even have vegan patties, let alone advertise them.

Awesome.