Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Lisa's Vegan Murphy's Law, or: But I ...

In response to Lisa's Vegan Murphy's Law:

But I only eat salad.
There is no protein in my diet.
I am anaemic. So wan.
I cannot lift the spoon to my mouth because I am so weak.
I have wasted muscles.
I only eat organic, biodynamic fruit that has fallen from a tree.
I sneer at Level 5 vegans.
I crave bloody flesh and secretly devour it at any opportunity.
I cannot truly envisage a life without chocolate and cheese.
I am mightily tempted by "but it's a just a little bit of ...".
I cannot cook.
I do not enjoy eating.
I do not understand the Circle of Life (although Simba has promised to explain it to me).
If only I got to raise a lamb as a child and then slaughter it for Sunday dinner I wouldn't be squeamish.
I cannot satisfactorily answer the question "But if we all stopped eating meat then what would happen to all the cows, huh?".
I am swayed by your arguments about our dominance in the food chain.
Because I care about animal rights I automatically do not care about human rights.

I am "just going too far".
I enjoy criticising my hosts and their food.
I love to preach and lecture.
I never encounter obnoxious omnis who bait me and wait for just one response, which qualifies as preaching and lecturing on my behalf.


lisa said...

I have an eating disorder.
I am on a diet.
I derive no joy from life.

Miss T said...

I don't want anyone to derive any joy from life.

(God, typing that I realise dhow ironic it is. I wish to derive joy from life by ... taking away an animal's life??)

lisa said...

I enjoy being difficult.

Seitahn said...

Oh this is so good! Worth printing off and sticking around my house! I might even leave a few blank lines at the end to update/fill in as necessary!

Miss T said...

I just don't know what I'm missing out on, and if you make yumyum noises while you're eating I might cotton on.