Monday, March 2, 2009


Not-the-reasons I am vegan:
  1. because I am squeamish and lily-livered
  2. because I didn’t grow up on a farm; if I had I wouldn’t be afflicted y 1) and would be more realistic about life
  3. because I get all warm and fuzzy about cute little animals and ascribe them anthropomorphic qualities when in reality they are non-sentient, soulless automatons
  4. because I don’t understand the circle of life
  5. because if we didn't breed them to eat them, all the cows would become extinct
  6. because cows have to produce milk and otherwise it would get wasted; don't I know it's good for my bones?
  7. because I have canine teeth so I should use them
  8. because my paleo-ancestors did, and what was good 10,000 years ago is totally what I should be doing now
  9. because the Bible gave man dominion over the earth (an incidentally, didn't it give man dominion over woman too? I'd better become very submissive to Buzz immediately)
  10. because I am being silly and I’ll get bored of it soon. It's just a phase she's going through
  11. because I am a fussy eater
  12. (some incomprehensible reason)
  13. because I am part of the food chain and I am on top; I have no choice but to exert my dominance
  14. because I haven’t eaten meat in so long that I can’t remember how delicious it is, and having a sausage waved under my nose will make me really miss it and salivate a lot
  15. because I don’t like eating at all, really
  16. because I can’t appreciate good food
  17. because I don’t like cooking myself and don’t really know how
  18. because they'd eat us if they had the chance ... it's a jungle out there with those ferocious sheep
  19. because I am ignoring my cultural imperatives
  20. because I want to insult people and be a difficult guest
  21. because I am a craaaazy wackjob
  22. because there’s a social contract with animals whereby I get to eat and they get to be eaten
  23. because what if like there was a nuclear explosion and I had to hunt to survive?
  24. because chickens pop out eggs anyway and it doesn’t hurt them; no animals have been harmed in the making of this omelette
  25. because I just haven’t realised that it’s ok to eat organic, sustainable meat
  26. because I am a raving extremist who wants to firebomb your house every time you have chops for dinner
  27. because i love having to defend my eatering choices in public at every possible opportunity
  28. because I love being made fun of and deliberately baited and offended, and having to bite my tongue so I don't become 'that vegan'
  29. because I fail to recognise that people who grew up on a farm/hunt/fish/just like to eat meat actually know all about animals and meat-eating and the environment and the food chain and are in fact the real conservationists, and have done a lot of research on it, and I should just bow to their superior experience and understanding
  30. because I value animal life far, far above human life and you can really only care about one thing at a time
  31. because I am against human rights
  32. because I am really interested in discussing ridiculous, impossible and irrelevant hypotheticals with you, cos one day you might be stuck on a desert island with only a cow for company and if you can eat her for 'survival' in that ridiculous, impossible and irrelevant hypothetical, that totally ethically justifies the Big Mac you had yesterday and the chicken parma you've just ordered for dinner
  33. because I fail to recognise that if you can't eliminate every possibility that you will ever swallow a fly, have an insect hit your windshield, walk on asphalt which covered the homes of little bugs, or step on an ant, then you shouldn't bother trying to stop killing animals at all. Ditto using medicines
  34. because I don't realise that wool is natural and therefore the means of its production are irrelevant
  35. because I'm not interested in nice clothes or accessories
  36. because I don't want to eat any protein and I couldn't possible get any anywhere else
  37. because I don't care about my health
  38. because I haven't invested time in research and reading my position; this is a completely random and illogical position with no academic support
  39. because I am a hippie who doesn't wash
  40. because I care about animals, the environment and my health (Oh no wait! That one's true! Golly gosh!)


lisa said...

because I like to assert my moral superiority and general godliness at every meal.

Anonymous said...

So it's something about how, in the face of a range of reactions ranging from the interested through the puzzled to the threatened to the downright rude one stands one's ground. I would say quietly, firmly, thoughtfully - without underestimating the power of just doing it. Well done.

Miss T said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Miss T said...

Lisa, I am constantly surprised at how many people expect me to preach at meals, even people I've never met or spoken to - in fact so much that I really think the perception problem about veganism is all theirs and not related to me at all.

I once went to dinner with some people I'd never met. Buzz, ever the gentleman, and as it was his family members, mentioned that I was vegan - you know, by way of introduction as we were ordering. This also came after a long story about how strange it was that German fellow they knew was vegetarian (have you ever, my stars!), so the topic was naturally on the table.

One woman's immediate response: "Well, sorry, but *we'll* be eating meat".

Where did that come from? I'd not said a word, but she assumed that I would demand that the entire table follow my dietary preferences. Uh huh.

Miss T said...

Anonymous Mum?

Mandee said...

That would be a good list to carry around so you could recite them all before non-vegans had a chance to say them and think they were being original :p

Miss T said...

Perhaps I should just hand out photocopies Mandee, with the most amusing ones highlighted!

Thought of another: because I fail to realise that by eating the animal I am honouring it. It is its purpose in life, the reason for its being. It's ok if we pretend it's all spiritual. To every thing, there is a season, turn, turn ...